


Let go

by jfkkinnie



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Fainting, Five saving Klaus’s Ass, Gen, Hurt Klaus Hargreeves, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Vomiting, drug overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25747003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfkkinnie/pseuds/jfkkinnie
Summary: Klaus couldn’t remember when he had left the house, let alone how he ended up curled up in a back alley, soaking wet and freezing cold from the rain, teeth chattering as he stared at the needle laying a few feet from his head.All he knew now was that he wanted to get home.Or, Klaus overdoses while mourning Ben, who is now gone for good. Luckily Five is there to help.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 381





	Let go

**Author's Note:**

> Alright so this is my first fic for this fandom and I’m gonna start off by saying this is NOT meant to be romantic at all, just a sweet moment for these two brothers because I feel like I don’t see enough of these two. Also obviously *spoilers* for season two so proceed with caution!! And yes I did kinda forgo the whole “sparrow academy” thing and just imagine everything was fine when they got back bc,, it’s easier and I’m lazy lmao just go with it.

Klaus couldn’t remember when he had left the house, let alone how he ended up curled up in a back alley, soaking wet and freezing cold from the rain, teeth chattering as he stared at the needle laying a few feet from his head. 

All he knew now was that he wanted to get home. 

He sat up, his body shaking with the effort of the small movement, his head swimming with this terrible pain that seemed to push at his skull. He groaned and grabbed onto the nearest dumpster and hauled himself to his feet, the word tilting dangerously beneath him as he did so. 

_“Klaus do you really think this will solve anything?”_

Bens words rung in his mind as he shook his head, trying to shake off the water that continued to soak his long hair. It was a useless attempt as it continued to pour, soaking him to the bone with freezing cold water. He gritted his teeth and grabbed onto the brick wall lining the alley, leaning into it as he dragged his shaking legs back towards the street. Struggling to remain upright as he stared ahead at the streetlights which seemed to call to him like a beacon. 

_”What do you know?” Klaus chuckled as he slid the needle into his already bruised veins, the skin painted in shades of purple and blue that reminded him so distantly of a dress Allison used to own. Klaus would have to ask if she still had it, it was pretty. He blinked up at Ben, who was staring down at him with disdain. Klaus just smiled up at him, lips quivering in spite of himself._

_“You’re not even real.”_

Klaus could still see Ben even then, waiting for him underneath a lamppost, just on the edge of the street. He looked almost alive, glowing in the pale yellow light in a way that was so warm and inviting. But Klaus shuddered as another chill fought its way through his body. The kind that wasn’t from the rain, no it ran much deeper then his wet skin, clinging to his bones and freezing his very insides. When he opened his eyes again the vision of Ben was gone. Klaus almost laughed, if Ben had really been around, he would have been overjoyed to see him disappear for a bit. 

Now all he wanted was for him to be back. 

“Klaus. You need to go home.” 

He blinked, the sound of bens voice ringing distinctly in his ears, so familiar and already so fleeting. Fluttering away at the edges of his fraying mind. He whimpered just barely, feeling so terribly alone in its absence, but then a new ache began to spread through his chest. 

Home. 

He needed to get home, he would be safe there. He would be warm. 

Man he was cold. 

He managed to steady himself enough to be able to walk along the sidewalk, his feet carrying him almost by instinct to his destination. Still he continued to shiver, knees wobbling with every hasty step. His eyes kept trying to flutter shut before he pried them back open. 

He just had to get home. 

_”Klaus you don’t want this.”_

_”How could you know what I want?” Klaus mumbled, hands shaking as he tried to maneuver the needle back in again, he’d lost count of how many times it had been._

_“Because I’m like- your subconscious man.” The Not-Ben scoffed, grimacing just barely as the needle found its mark. “We- You know this has gotten out of hand.”_

_Klaus’s hand started to shake in a violent manner as he withdrew the needle, the instrument falling to the pavement with a clatter as he struggled to curl his fingers into a fist._

_“You really need to step it up.” He mumbled, words slurring together as the world began to tilt. “The real Ben would have been way more annoying-“ His eyes clouded with black as he hit the ground with a dull thud, body shaking viciously in the empty alleyway. Nothing but the echoes of his own voice whispering in the darkness._

Klaus had blinked and suddenly he was sitting on the front steps of the estate. His aching legs indicated that he must have travelled some way to get there, but now he couldn’t quite get them to cooperate, groaning as he tried to drag himself up the steps. 

He looked up at the same door that would greet him as a child, large and wooden and glimmering in greeting as he and his siblings returned from a mission. Now it stood just feet away from his trembling fingertips. It was always such a comfort to get home with all of his family intact, to get to see that door at the end of the day. Fearing that it may be the last time. 

Fear fluttered in his chest then. He couldn’t quite place why. Perhaps it was the way his heart had begun to beat just a bit too slow. Or how numbness had begun to creep into his limbs. Perhaps he was afraid this was the last mission he would be returning from. And that he would have to return alone, not one of his siblings there to race him to the dinner table or help wipe the blood from his cheek. 

He felt his own hand going to his cheek then, rubbing a thumb over the damp skin. It was a desperate gesture, his hunger for the warmth of someone else gnawing at his stomach. It was all he could do as he stared wide eyed at the door that always seemed to be so terribly out of reach, before curling in on himself, the shaking in his limbs finally coming to a stuttering stop. 

~

Five sat on the couch in the lounge, reading an old novel of some sort when the thunder from the storm outside makes him jump, swearing under his breath as he smoothed his jacket down. He glanced at the window where the rain pattered against the glass, the trees outside were whipping violently against the wind. Five stretched his legs, his bones cracking as he stood, wandering toward the window to stare out at the storm. It was odd watching so much chaos from the safety of indoors. He was so accustomed to being out there with the trees, being battered by the wind. He couldn’t say that he minded, but he couldn’t deny that he missed it either.

But those apparently were thoughts for another time. 

“You’ve gotta be shitting me-“

Five blinked onto the porch, staring down at the huddled mess of Klaus currently curled up on the steps, soaked by the rain. The taller sibling seemed to be sleeping, hair falling over his face in a matted mess, Five groaned inwardly at the sight. Cursing the others for not being home.

“Oh c’mon Klaus you’re gonna track water all over the house-“ he started to complain, reaching out a shoe to nudge his brother back to consciousness. But he didn’t stir. 

Five sighed, praying he wouldn’t have to carry him inside. 

“Get up you big dumbass you’re going to get sick.” He nudged him again, harder. But still nothing. 

“God why are you such a heavy sleeper!-“ In a burst of agitation Five practically kicked Klaus in the shoulder. He didn’t move, instead his head just lolled limply to the side, his lips just barely parted. 

Five froze. Trying to push down the concern bubbling in his chest. 

“Klaus-“ his voice wavered, just barely. He crouched down, grabbing his brothers arm. 

It was so cold. 

“Klaus!” He couldn’t stop the desperate hitch in his voice as he shook Klaus, getting not a single response. He quickly reached up and pushed the wet hair from his face, slapping at his cheek. 

“C’mon! Klaus!” 

Five noticed them how painfully still he was. 

“Shit-“ 

Five clambered further down the steps, hooking his arms under Klaus the best he could and standing back up, slipping on the stairs as he dragged the much larger man up the stairs. Fortunately (and raising much concern) Klaus was quite light. So Five was able to drag him back into the house, both of them now soaked and freezing. Five Got back down next to him, pressing a hand against his neck to try and get a pulse, only for his eyes to widen as his found nothing. 

“Shit- fucking- fuck!” Five swore as he looked over Klaus, trying to find a cause for all this. When his eyes finally finding his way to his bruised arm, Five let out a breathy sigh, quickly climbing over him and pressing his hands over his chest. 

“What the hell did you do to yourself Klaus?”

~

_Klaus was lost for a moment, then he woke up. He was back in the dining room. Everyone was there, except for Ben, eating dinner. Even dad, who was staring at him expectantly._

_“Well then number 4, late for dinner again it seems?”_

_Klaus didn’t know when he had sat down. But now he was staring down at a plate. On it only held a needle. Full of a familiar clear fluid. He blinked down at it, perplexed as he looked around the table. His siblings all stared at him curiously. Except for Five. Who was staring down at his own empty plate._

_“We’ll go on then. You know what you have to do.” Reginald huffed, staring at Klaus with that familiar cold expression. Almost matching the terrible cold that seemed to keep creeping through his ribs._

_“There’s no pressure you know.” It was Vanya who spoke then, looking at him with kind eyes. “It’s up to you really.”_

_”We don’t have all day though.” Diego chimes in, smirking in the way that would normally make Klaus laugh. Now all he felt was cold._

_”Klaus you shouldn’t.” It was Ben now, he was standing next to him, a hand on his shoulder._

_“Why not?” Klaus mumbled, staring down at the plate with a glassy gaze._

_“You know it’s not right- subconscious remember?” The Ben reminded him, Klaus smiled just a bit._

_“You always do know what’s best huh?” Klaus spoke dryly. “You were the smartest of all of us.”_

_“But he’s gone now Klaus.” Allison said gently from her chair. “It’s time to let go.”_

_Klaus looked up at Ben, who just smiled down at him. Klaus felt the ache in his chest only grow, eyes growing damp with tears._

_“I want to-“ Klaus whispered. “I want to let go.”_

_“But you can’t” A new voice spoke._

_The entire room fell silent as Klaus looked up across a now completely empty table, Aside from the seat directly across. Klaus just about cried out, the sob pulling at his throat._

_“Dave-“ He croaked, wanting to stand but not being able to find the strength. Dave smiled back._

_“Hey Klaus. I miss you.”_

_“I miss you too-“ Klaus swallowed hard, tears pattering down onto the glass plate with little sounds that almost sound like rain. He looks down at the needle and person out a shaky breath._

_“You can come with me Klaus. You don’t have to be alone anymore-“ Dave spoke softly, making Klaus only grimace more, painful sounds fighting their way up from his throat._

_“I want to- Dave I do- but I-“_

_“You can’t.” Ben finished, sounding stern. But he was wavering now as Klaus stared across at Ben._

_“Cmon Klaus, you’re tired aren’t you? It would be so easy-“ Dave’s voice seemed to echo all around the dining room as Klaus’s shaky hand wrapped around the needle._

_“Just take it-“_

_“Klaus don’t-“_

_The voices overlapped and echoed, making Klaus grimace and shut his eyes._

_“Please stop-“ he whined. Blinking his eyes open which now hurt from the blinding white light of the chandelier above. “-I just want it to stop.”_

_Everything stilled then. Both voices becoming silent. Klaus looked at the needle with a new found determination, slowly he turned it over in his hands, just holding it brought a sweet relief over him, he felt lighter, as if he could just float away, he wasn’t in pain, he was warm-_

_“Alright fuck this!”_

_There was a thud as Five jumped up onto the table, sending plates scattering to the floor below. Klaus flinched and looked up at him with wide eyes._

_“Five what the hell are you doing in my subconscious!? ” He said quickly, leaning back in his chair as the smaller boy started walking toward him._

_“I’m saving your life dumbass.” Five Blinked forward and in an instant the needle was ripped from Klaus’ shaking hand._

_“No-!” Klaus gasped and stumbled forward, only to fall to the ground, sending plates and broken glass shattering around him. Klaus cried out as his body hit the ground, the pain returning to him harsh and burning through his skin. He yearned for the relief, reaching up at Five as he went to crouch down beside him._

_“F-Five please” Klaus whined, grabbing desperately at his jacket, knuckles trembling from the effort. “Five I need it-“_

_“Hey- shh...” Five reached out, thumb pressing against Klaus’s cheek and rubbing away a bit of blood. Klaus coughed, sob catching in his throat as he leaned into the warm touch, tears dripping heavily down his cheeks._

_“Five-“_

_“Klaus it’s alright-“ Five spoke softer then Klaus had heard in a long time. He sounded so much like Grace sometimes. It sent warmth spreading through his lungs that chased away the cold that had dug its claws in there. He put his hand over his which was clutched in his jacket and offered a small smile._

_“Let’s go home Klaus.”_

_-_

Klaus coughed, his chest sputtering from the effort. Five froze from where he had been pushing on his chest and blinked in relief.

“Klaus?-“ Fives words were cut short as Klaus began to vomit, the bile gurgling at his lips and causing him to show. Five scrambled to roll him over, grimacing at his body began to shake and spasm. 

“Cmon Klaus you can do this- I know you’ve pulled through way worse shit then this-“ Five half joked, the laugh dying in his throat as Klaus painfully jerked against the floor, head slamming down. Five pulled his head onto his lap and sighed, clutching him tightly. 

“ Klaus- please.” He whispered, despite the fact that nobody could hear him. “Alright- Alright you asshole you win-“ Five hissed, voice trembling as he glanced around the room, trying to look anywhere but at his likely dying brother. “Look I’m only ever going to be this nice once so you better fucking appreciate it.” Five pulled Klaus closer, trying to ignore the way he jerked and pulled against him. “You are my brother alright? And no matter how much I deny it I need you okay?” He winced as his voice cracked, tears stinging at the corner of his eyes. “So please don’t-“ He took in a shaky almost painful breath. “Don’t fucking go and overdose now when I just got you back.” 

Five let out the smallest of whimpers, feeling as helpless as he did in that barn, seeing all his siblings fall around him, their clothes thick with blood. He had done anything to save them. Now he couldn’t do anything but watch. So with the last of his inhibitions gone he buried his face in Klaus’s hair and took a deep breath as a cry finally forced its way out of his throat. There he sat, clinging to his brother, feeling a lot younger and a lot more scared then he had in a very long time. Feeling almost like a scared little kid he had been a very long time ago. Clinging to his brother and trembling with fear. 

“Please Klaus-“ He whimpered. Sounding a lot like that boy as well. 

“Dude- are you crying?” 

Five hadn’t noticed when Klaus had stopped shaking, too caught up in panic. He drew back, looking down at a very disgruntled Klaus, who was still shivering but still somehow very much alive. He just about screamed. 

“Wh- No! No I’m not crying you dipshit!” Five quickly wiped his eyes. “Your vomit just smells putrid.” 

Klaus laughed, gravelly and sore. Five would have to be lying if he were to say he wasn’t glad to hear it. 

“Sure thing kid- whatever you say.” Klaus grinned up at Five. “But you can’t hide it- I know you loooove me” He made a kissy face up at the boy, who wrinkled his nose in distaste. 

”You disgust me” Five spat back, almost going to pull away, only for Klaus to wince and grab onto his jacket. 

“Wait-“ Klaus’s voice shook. “Don’t move please- I’m- I’m fucking freezing.” 

Five looked at Klaus in full again, he wasn’t lying, he was trembling all over, and didn’t look like he was far off from fainting again. 

“Right- think we can move you to the couch?” Five suggested, sounding more polite then he would have liked to, unable to help but feel bad for Klaus who now seemed to be writhing in pain. 

“Mmm Five more minutes” Klaus went to cuddle further against five. Wrapping his arms around him in a dazed stupor. 

“Oh absolutely fucking not-“ Five started to get up then, grabbing Klaus and blinking him to the couch, letting him fall into the cushions with a small wince. Five vanished for a moment, only to reappear with a blanket. 

“aw you’re so sweet” Klaus grinned making grabby hands at the blanket which Five held just out of reach. 

“You I should be taking you to a hospital- or to Diego. You’re lucky you’re not in cardiac arrest.” Five watched Klaus deflate. 

“God no they’ll put me back in rehab-“ Klaus whined. “Diego would just kick my ass.

”Back in rehab?” Five blinked a few times. “How often are you overdosing!?” 

“Man you have got to catch up-“ Klaus finally gets within range to snatch the blanket, and Five doesn’t fight him on it. “Usually it’s way more fun then this, this time was just weird- should have seen the subconscious version of yourself man-“ Klaus started to laugh, but Five just sat on the coffee table, running his hands down his face with a groan. 

“Klaus this is serious- I saw your arm you could have killed yourself you dipshit-“ 

“Good.” Klaus spoke without thinking. His mind still drifting in a haze. It was meant to be a joke, but it didn’t quite land that way. Instead it hung in the air like dust. 

Five snorted in a noncommittal laugh, his brothers typical dark humor not amusing him per usual, only until he noticed the empty expression on Klaus’s face did he take pause. 

“Klaus you are joking?...Correct?” 

The silence that followed wasn’t very comforting. 

“Would it matter if I was?” Klaus turned to look at Five, the smaller boy almost feeling inclined to flinch at the expression there. Klaus was always emotional, probably the biggest crybaby of the bunch, but the way he looked at Five then was like a bunch in the stomach. 

He looked like a hurt kid. 

“Jesus Klaus-“ Five just barely murmured. “I mean I knew you were fucked up but Christ- yes it matters! We don’t want you dead you asshole!” Five snapped quickly, trying to recover from the way his stomach had twisted in guilt.

“Always so good with words.” Klaus teased, but it wasn’t as genuine as usual. He turned his eyes back up to the ceiling, gritting his teeth which continued to chatter. Five stared at him for a moment, the silent stretching for an uncomfortable minute.

“Klaus should I be worried?” Five finally said, trying to sound as even as he could. 

“Oh always brother dear-“ Klaus tried to joke, to lightening the mood. But Five just glared.

“I’m serious Klaus. Last thing I need is you.. I don’t know- killing yourself right now-“

“I’m not going to- I wasn’t even trying...Jesus !” Klaus groaned, bringing his hands to his face. Trying to block out the light that was making his head hurt.

“Klaus I-“ Five started but paused, trying to pick his words carefully as he watched Klaus grimace beneath his palms. “We- the whole family- we need you alright.-“

“For what?” Klaus sighed, letting his hands fall back down to his chest. “Apocalypse is over the hell you need me moping around for?” 

“Because as much as I hate to admit it- “ Five sighed, grimacing at what he was about to say. “You’re family Klaus. Apocalypse or not” Five sighed, rubbing at the bridge of his nose. “Look I know what you’re going through Klaus believe me I do but I just-“ Five glanced up, meeting Klaus’s eyes now flooded with tears. Five froze, the words seeming to leave him as he stared at Klaus, looking so damn miserable and scared there.

“Five you don’t have to-“ 

“No just- listen alright.” Five exhaled, sliding down onto the floor next to the couch. “Look I thought I lost you all back there- and I-“ 

“Shit Five-“

“-I know that’s how you all must have felt about Ben and I cannot imagine what you all went through- what you had to go through again Klaus-“ Five looked down at his hands, now fiddling with his socks. “But I know I don’t want to feel that way ever again- I can’t lose you all again...So please don’t scare me like that anymore-“ he blinked up, jaw set and tense as he swallowed his pride. “Please?”

Klaus blinked fresh tears away, looking at Five carefully before reaching down and taking his hand which was fiddling with his socks. A habit he had since he was a little kid. It made Klaus smile just barely. 

“Alright- I’ll try my best. No promises though you know I’m rotten at those.” He grinned again, his face wrinkling with the smile. Five sighed, almost sounding relieved as he looked back up at Klaus, glad to see a bit of color returning to his face. Five smiled as well, before twisting Klaus’s hand around and bending his fingers back, making the older brother gasp in pain. Five leaned in close and grinned into his ear. 

“Pull that shit again and I will not hold back when I give you CPR,you’ll have plenty of fun recovering from 6 broken ribs in rehab. Got it?” Five grinned as Klaus frantically nods before he released his hand, which Klaus cradled close to his chest as he whimpered. 

“Could have broken a nail-“ 

“Don’t be such a baby-“ 

“Says you- you were the one crying.” 

“I was not!” 

“Was too you little shithea-“ 

Klaus stopped dead in his tracks and Five quickly wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his shoulder. He seemed to short circuit as his arms froze before slowly going to wrap around Five, smiling just barely as he rested his chin on top of his head. He rubbed a small circle on his back, sighing as he feels Five relax under his touch. 

“Jesus kid are you touch starved or what?” 

“Shut the hell up” Five mumbled, voice muffled where his face was buried in Klaus’s shirt. Klaus smiled.

”Love you too kid-“ Klaus glanced past him, somewhere in the shadow of the room he saw Ben, staring at him and offering just a small smile, before simply. flickering away into nothing. Klaus swallowed and squeezed Five just a bit tighter as his dead brother vanished from sight. 

“Alright you can let go now- I can’t breathe.” Five choked, where Klaus was now squeezing him with a death grip. Klaus laughed, light and airy as he released him, ruffling his hair as he went. 

“Yeah.” Klaus glanced around the empty room once last time, seeing nothing but dust before looking at his real brother sitting in front of him, still alive and still tolerating him somehow. 

“I guess I can.” Klaus said quietly, a smile dancing on his lips that Five could have sworn made him look just like he had when they were kids. 

Maybe they both had a lot of growing up left to do. 

**Author's Note:**

> So i know Five is rarely so sensitive in the show but shhh I just want the man to express some of his feelings for once, plus like, who’s to say he doesn’t secretly freak out when his siblings are half dead and he has to save their asses. What they don’t know won’t hurt them right 👀


End file.
